so much effort

i’ve noticed that as i get older, i have to put more effort into doing things. gradually, the degree of which we used to do things is not enough. it’s not that homework gets any harder, it just takes so much will power to get to it, and then eventually get it done. staying awake in class wasn’t a question, but i feel my eyes getting heavier as the semester rolls on. same with my faith. when the fuck did it get so hard to have faith. i find myself questioning organized religion so much. when did i get so cynical about the world and its humans? oh, and of course, friends. not that i’ve ever been decent at making friends, but golly, it’s gotten that much harder. i ask “what was your name again?” seconds after we meet. i’m sorry. i do care, but i guess not enough. is this why so many awkward college students at the brink of young-adulthood turn to alcohol, a poison that cures social incompetence, or at least hinders the perception of it? and then i have to point out my unfortunate level of tolerance, too high to get sufficiently drunk, too low to avoid late night rendezvouses with my true lover, the trash can. 

i guess this is growing up. 
happy thursday everyone.